My sleep is broken by visions, images that flash by.. Are these wishes?
Or plans of what I'm going to do...
Regrets of the chances not taken, or the foresight to the future that my choices will lead me to.
I think too much, sleep too little. I wake up trying to grab objects that disappear out of my reach, past goals?
Or have I just given up?
I do not sleep nor do I wake, I do but I don't? I'm in a state of nothingness and yet I still manage to think about everything and at the same time nothing at all.
The moons rush me, for I know not what I want but I know all the ways forward, the outcomes, the sacrifices. The waves will not carry me, I seem to be swimming against them.
But, is she the one I love? Or is it just me at this time. Am I attracted to her because we are completely opposite, is it in fact that I feel I don't know the whole me and I need someone else to fill that place of unknown, making do with whatever is easier, filling that place with a piece that fits but is the wrong picture.
Everyone expects it to be us, and just for that I'll deny this to hold strong to my beliefs of finding myself by myself. I am what I am now and will not change unless it I feel it necessary. Even though what I really am is lonely in a world that you cannot survive by yourself, am I this way by choice? Yes! I am trying to prove to the world that I don't need anyone to hold my hand while it takes a piss on me!
Still I find myself escaping behind a screen replacing my insecurities with a yellow smile. For I am tired of these plans, this world and these people. I want to sleep and hide under my fortress of blankets and dream, just dream for once.
Though I do not dream for to dream you need to slumber, but I shall not slumber to spite myself, when my point is proven, my legs broken, my tears dried and my voice gone. I will not slumber till my legacy lives on through my blood. Then maybe I shall slumber on the 7th day like those before me. Rest in the land of my King, like what was promised.
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